Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
