No stitches, just platelets and will power
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i think my cat just said my name.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
