I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
