I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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