My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
