I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
