And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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