This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
