You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
