I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
