I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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