Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
