well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
