omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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