you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
