you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
