well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
