Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
