last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
