my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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