I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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