I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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