They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
