I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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