Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
