so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
