apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
