What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
