You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
