dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
