Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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