69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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