but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
