I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
