remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
