Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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