I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
