I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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