i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
