it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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