Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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