her vagine was all disorganized.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
