omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
