Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
