youre lurking in front of me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
