Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
