We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
