I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
