shes about as inviting as chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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