I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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