What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
