Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
