Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I want a musical about memes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
