i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
