I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
