Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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