If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
