I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
