I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
