He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
