Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
