just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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